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Post by Chahiero on Jun 25, 2004 16:16:24 GMT -5
They're both beautiful poems, and I can see the symbolism in both of them.
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Post by Bloodyaftertaste on Jun 25, 2004 16:18:42 GMT -5
thx
i wonder if ne one who doesnt know me will get nething out of ne of the stuff i write
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Post by Bloodyaftertaste on Jun 25, 2004 16:20:59 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]Torn[/glow]
I'm torn in two. Can't deal with you. I love you then I hate you. I just can't tolerate. You.
The feelings I'm feeling inside. I feel the thoughts of suicide. And then I close my eyes. And see you in the inside. And then I open them again. And again I scream.
My loveless sight, it condemns. You, me, my heart, to the grave. My life is once again depraved. Left to the cold embrace. Of a cold hard place.
(written by me, fixed up by michael)
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Post by Chahiero on Jun 25, 2004 16:22:22 GMT -5
Maybe, we'll see. :)
We gotta stop posting at the same time, lol, but you know how much I love that one.
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Post by Bloodyaftertaste on Jun 25, 2004 16:25:48 GMT -5
yes we will see and ya we gotta stop doing that, lol
and thx for helping me with that poem, it was really bad before u got ur hands on it, lol
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Post by Bloodyaftertaste on Jun 25, 2004 16:30:19 GMT -5
Letting It Out
The hurt inside Won't subside It rises like fear In the child's nightmare
To let it out Watch it bleed I cry inside The monsters feed
:hmm getting into some of my archieve poetry now:
(haha i finally found out where the colors where, man im blind)
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Post by Bloodyaftertaste on Jun 25, 2004 16:33:02 GMT -5
Picture Perfect
This is a photo of myself Can't you see Ripped and torn Stepped on and stained to the very core You can no longer see my smiling face It is hidden behind all the pain and suffering that you have put me through I try to duplicate the origonal me I take another picture But this time it is me who is ripped and torn
:and another old one, i mean these are pre breakup, i forgot i had some of these:
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Post by Chahiero on Jun 25, 2004 16:35:36 GMT -5
yes we will see and ya we gotta stop doing that, lol and thx for helping me with that poem, it was really bad before u got ur hands on it, lol Aww, don't sell yourself short Lynn, it was good. Those two are good too, I don't think I've read them before, but they're very good.
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Post by Bloodyaftertaste on Jun 25, 2004 16:36:02 GMT -5
Untitled
You seep into me Catch my breath And choke the life out of me Then you walk away As I lay motionless on the ground I have no voice to ask you to stay So you turn away and forget me
:this is the first untitled, kinda short, been meaning to add to it, just nothing has hit me yet:
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Post by Bloodyaftertaste on Jun 25, 2004 16:38:59 GMT -5
Aww, don't sell yourself short Lynn, it was good. Those two are good too, I don't think I've read them before, but they're very good. do u even remember the origonal version? lol and ya i dont think i have shown you those either, idn like i said i wrote those a long time ago
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Post by Chahiero on Jun 25, 2004 16:44:30 GMT -5
Yeah, but they're good nonetheless.
And I vaguely remember the original, I thought it was good, at least.
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Post by Bloodyaftertaste on Jun 25, 2004 16:52:26 GMT -5
Here's a couple of the first poems i ever wrote, i dont think they are that bad but im glad i have improved lol
Drowning
My life has been a twisted fairy tale Full of pain and hate I try to surface But I just can't relate
I try to search within myself For some hope or life But all I see is Hell So I take this knife
It glides smoothly Against my young skin It's time to drown Instead of swim
I'm drowning in a sea of pain All the people created for me I want to swim and take a breath But by sinking I will finally be free
Hate
Hate crawls up my spine It's been done another time The humanity leaks out of me The blood boils as the pain rises And the flame is visible in my eyes
My skin is not black, white, or even grey It's the color of misery I can't feel or even see When the demons take control of me
When will people see All the evil that they do to me? When will they realize That their words pierce my heart?
I taste the blood on my lips Is it mine or yours? Cause i can't hold them back any longer They're in every piece of me Even in my touch No one can save me now
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Post by Chahiero on Jun 25, 2004 16:59:44 GMT -5
Those two aren't THAT bad Lynn!
I like the rhyming scheme, rhyming's so hard for me to pull of.
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Post by Bloodyaftertaste on Jun 25, 2004 17:02:59 GMT -5
well hate really doesnt rhyme, but rhyming most of the time comes easy for me, got complimented on it serveral times before, the best one tho was that when i rhyme its doesnt look like im forcing it, u know to put a word at the end of the line just so it rhymes, but my rhymes fit well together
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Post by Chahiero on Jun 25, 2004 17:11:26 GMT -5
Rhyming is something I think I do well, but it's very difficult for me.
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