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Angry
Oct 27, 2003 1:41:57 GMT -5
Post by Sharess on Oct 27, 2003 1:41:57 GMT -5
Draxy, I'm sorry that you were hurt as a child, in fact I can understand your pain in a way. At 3 I wasn't innosent any more and I had the most abusive grandma she would hold you on her lap say Ilove you while scraching and hitting you. God she was a sick ....... I still get so mad at her. But the worst thing is that 5years ago I decided to confert her and demanded that she say that she was sorry Well, the witch said that she did nothing wrong and that I got what was comming to me. People who hurt others and get a kick out of it are a waste of space and should just be put to death. Sorry if that seems harsh but I lived with people hurting me till I was 16 years and I'm never going to forget or forgive them but I can stop blaming my self cause it wasn't my fault to bad it took me10 years to figuer that much out.
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Angry
Oct 27, 2003 2:32:40 GMT -5
Post by Draxy on Oct 27, 2003 2:32:40 GMT -5
Hi Sharress,
Well, you've turned the corner. Once you've understood, and internalized that you, the child are not to fault, you stop punishing yourself as often. You've started the recovery process.
S, be prepared though for later years. It can spring out at you at the weirdest moments. Let them come, don't swallow them, let people think whatever they will and go on, but don't swallow the tears when they come, if you're sitting in a restaurant or in the theatre or in a seminar full of people. Those tears that strike from out of no-where and flash memories at you are your psyches way of purging and you can literally do yourself great harm, both physically and mentally by swallowing them. Believe me, I've found out the hard way, even after being warned, what harm they can do.
Thank you your thoughts and for having the guts to share your own trials here. Weird place though it may seem to share such things as we are there is no allowed forum that is too weird to get the dark corners of the soul lit up a bit and few admissions can do you more good than to admit that which you most fear to share or even remember. Thank you.
Draxy
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Angry
Oct 27, 2003 12:25:04 GMT -5
Post by RowanMoonWynd on Oct 27, 2003 12:25:04 GMT -5
You know Draxy your right about that. I was telling my husband about this forum and he asked me why I feel the need to get so personal and deep with others that I don't know. I told him it helps to get it out, and to talk with others who share similar experiences, and all the more that no one here knows what I look like or who I am (with the exception of one on here but she's been part of my life for fourteen years now so she knows and has been through it with me) so it does help and kind of put it in perpective and shine different lights on it. I think it's the best therapy in the world to share with others. I'm a very private person, although you wouldn't know it on here because I have spilled alot personally, but the reason I have been able to do that is because no one on here really knows me and can't look at me and go..........wow..........she's really whacked in the head...........like others I have had in my life do to me. So, Thanks everyone for listening and giving me a place to purge my soul, and Thank You even more for allowing me to share with you also. It's a great place here with alot of great people. Kisses everyone!! I thought that was adorable and just had to use it.........grin
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Angry
Oct 27, 2003 22:51:25 GMT -5
Post by Sharess on Oct 27, 2003 22:51:25 GMT -5
It's is realy great to pour one's heart or soul out and not worry that your going to run into these people the next day and their going to say Well here comes the wako. I'm not saying this to be mean but honestly none of you know what I look like or what I sound like so I can really be real here with out any of the negetivly that I would get from my "friends" where I live. So like RMW said thanks guys for reading all my post and being so nice and sorry about all the really bad spelling, but most of all thanks for allowing me to be more real here then in real life
Draxy, Thanks for the advice but I got over tears a long time ago all I have now is rage and the 5 puching bags to prove it all I want to know is why Why did she hurt me? Why did she hurt my family ? Why didn't my mom or dad save me? How, how can an 65 year old man hurt a little girl? Questions that can'nt be answer because the poeple reasonable are dead and last I knew the dead do not talk. It's when Ithink about the questions that I get so mad that all I can see at times is red. I should mention this is also the same time I'm punching the body bag(the big punching bag) and some times busting it. ( boy does that hurt) Maybe the anger is something that I'll never get over but any who thank you for the advice
Sharess
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